A day (or two) in the life of Cathy

Ugh night audit. I'm tired and lonely.

I'm starting to loose my faith in relationships that actually work. I keep seeing my friends and others in realtionships that seem like they are going great and yet they don't work out. Someone screws up and hurts the other one. I would like to be in a relationship that works and is real, and truthful, but I don't think they exsist anymore. They are doomed to fail, it just how it is nowadays. Im just sad. Love is loosing. I can feel myself getting more and more cynical about the idea. I want someone that I can share myself with, and they will share with me. I want someone that will be there if I need them, and I will be there for them. I want a partner. But that just doens't seem like that even happens anymore. It seems like people just set themselves up for heart break. Love isn't measured in how happy you are anymore, love is measured in the amount of angush you feel when you break up. And you will break up, becasue relationships are false. The sad thing is, I'm not just sad and in a mood, this is how I've been feeling for awhile, and more and more things keep happening to confirm it. I'm angry at people for destroying a great and amazing idea. But maybe thats all it ever was and will be, an idea. People are just not capable of being in a honest romantic relationship. the end.

Wow I want the summer to be here NOW... or yesterday would have been nice. I hope this summer is as much fun as I think it will be. I am really looking forward to it because last summer I didn't get to enjoy it much because I had 2 jobs. I also am looking forward to it because this will be my least busy time in about 2 years. I either had class and work, or work and work. so now I just have work. YAY!!! I'll be able to go to the beach, and go hiking, and read, and stuff. Haha, I'll be sitting around drunk all summer watching TV. jk... well maybe sometimes I'll be doing that. Just 2 more days and I am free for the summer and a much needed break. Can't wait!


P.S. Guys with abs and the lines are hot! mmmmmm.... just want to take a bite.... lol sorry its 3 in the morning and I had two five hour energy shots.

It's nice to be forgettable isn't it?


Not really.

Well I am stuck at work while everyone else has a good nights sleep, but at least I'm making money right?
I haven't written in here in forever. So I thought I might keep myself entertained.
Lets see, in the life of Cathy lots is happening but it doesn't seem like anything is.
First and foremost... most if not all of you already know, I'm back in school! Yay for me. It's going good. I seem to be stressing out at a normal level, nothing extreme. I like being back in school, even though I hate homework, i feel better about myself for being in school. I also never want to have to work as much as I did for as little as I got.
In other news. I got an almost boyfriend, but then he didn't have time to date me. That sounds bad, but he was actually really nice to me when we talked. We still see each other at work and we've hung out a few times since. I still don't know what to think about it. In away I think seeing him at work is a good thing, because it gave me small talk time to kind of get over being hurt, and I got to see the fact that he still likes me. He comes and talks to me at the end of his shift, every shift. i stayed the other night and had my shift drink with him and we talked for almost an hour or more, and just caught up on little stuff. I had a really good time with him. I realized that I missed him too, which made me start thinking. I'm not sure that it was completely him that I missed, though I did and part of me still does like him, but I think I missed the relationship stuff. I haven't really ever gotten to have much of it and I wasn't ready to give it up. Though I do think I am ok with not dating him anymore. Even if I wanted too I don't think very many people would be very happy with me if I did. Which I think is part of what makes me say that I don't want to date him again. I worry too much what other people think. Oh well. Now there might be someone else anyway. I think I could really like him, but I wish I would have started it off waaay different. Aside from the blatantly embarassing moment with him, I am also pissed and disapointed at myself for going to fast. I just don't want to start a relationship that way and I hate that that's what I do every time. I didn't go all the way or anything... but I went far enough. grrr. I need to learn self control. I think that is what I liked about the first guy is that we didn't do that for a little while, the most I got out of him was a goodnight kiss, and that was nice. I think I should be limited to 1 drink while out with guys that I am attracted too, otherwise I'm stupid. So now I don't know what to do, because I don't think I left the best impression of myself. Life is so awkward sometimes, or in my case a majority of the time.
Well I think I have ranted and rambled for long enough. maybe I'll write again soon... then again maybe not, seeing as how long I took this time. Who knows.

sometimes the smallest touches are the greatest things..... sigh......

Physiologically, certain neurons in the brain stem, known as REM sleep-on cells, (located in the pontine tegmentum), are particularly active during REM sleep, and are probably responsible for its occurrence. The release of certain neurotransmitters, the monoamines (norepinephrine, serotonin and histamine), is completely shut down during REM. This causes REM atonia, a state in which the motor neurons are not stimulated and thus the body's muscles don't move. Lack of such REM atonia causes REM Behavior Disorder; sufferers act out the movements occurring in their dreams.

Heart rate and breathing rate are irregular during REM sleep, again similar to the waking hours. Body temperature is not well regulated during REM. Erections of the penis (Nocturnal Penile Tumescence or NPT) is an established accompaniment of REM sleep and is used diagnostically to determine if male erectile dysfunction is of organic or psychological origin. Clitoral enlargement, with accompanying vaginal blood flow and transudation (i.e. lubrication) is also present during REM.

The eye movements associated with REM are generated by the pontine nucleus with projections to the superior colliculus and are associated with PGO (pons, geniculate, occipital) waves.

FUCKING STUPID GOD DAMN LANDFUCKINGLORDS GRRRRRRRRRRR.
Why does he have to be soooo normal all year long and then boom be a fucknut come summer GOD DAMN-IT!!!!! And why has he sudanly picked be to be the scape goat? FUCK

So I haven't written in here for a very long time... but it is my plan to begin anew... for one thing everyone is leaving and i think it is one better way to keep in touch and also I want to write reviews on the books that I am planning on reading this summer. I want to write one every week but we'll see how well that works out. lol you guys all know how well i stick to things. :/ But anywho it's a new thing. I also have to learn to survive on my own for a little. Find my own path and see where i end up. I think I have followed other people's paths for too long now and i need to see how strong i can be by myself. The only thing is i don't quite know where to begin my path. But i guess that is part of the fun. Huh, sounds like a blast.
But about the book reviews. Right now i am about to finish up a book called "Labyrinth" by Kate Mosse. I am almost done with it, and so far it has been pretty good.
It is kind of a Da Vinci Code style of mystery... the whole holy grail type thing. cept it has a girl as a hero. Through-out the book it jumps back and forth from the 1200's to present time, telling the story of two women who are linked together by a mysterious bond. They both have the same goal, to protect three books from those who seek them for ill use... and that's all i can say about that.

Don't know what i am going to read next but i'll try and finish it by next friday and write a little about it.

ttyl

so iam a traveling... which is pretty cool. i like the mountains outside my windows. I just feel like i might not belonge here. I get along with everyone fine, actually great, but i Think i like my friends so much better. I just miss my comfort zone. I just want to drink with my friends when i get home... i miss all of you!!!!and sarah i am drinking a half gallon of wine BY MY SELF!!!
Boob.. no one listens to me... god i miss you guys!!!!!!!!! this is fun but you guys are waaaaay better